Here's a question that might sting a little: Who's leading spiritual conversations in your home?
If you're like most Christian families, it's probably Mom. She's the one reminding everyone about prayer before bed, organizing Bible study time, and making sure the kids know their memory verses. Dad? He's present, he's supportive, but he's more like the backup singer than the lead vocalist.
And here's the thing, that's not God's design.
I'm not saying this to shame anyone. Moms, you're doing an incredible job, and your heart for your kids' faith is beautiful. But when we accidentally sideline dads from their God-given role as the chief storyteller and spiritual leader of the home, we miss something powerful. Something our kids desperately need.
Let's talk about reclaiming the father's role in family discipleship, not as a performance review, but as a partnership that transforms your home.
Fathers Aren't the Backup Plan, They're the Blueprint
In most Christian homes, there's an unspoken assumption: Mom handles the spiritual stuff, and Dad shows up when needed. It's well-intentioned, but it flips God's design upside down.
Scripture paints a different picture. In Deuteronomy 6:6-7, God tells fathers (not mothers, not Sunday school teachers) to impress His commands on their children: "Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."
Notice the ownership language? The assignment isn't shared 50/50 by default, fathers are called to be the primary disciplers of their children. Not because moms aren't capable (you absolutely are!), but because God designed fathers to carry the spiritual weight and direction of the home.
Think of it this way: If your family were a ship, Dad isn't just a deckhand. He's the captain. That doesn't mean Mom isn't essential, she's the first mate, the navigator, the heart of the operation. But when the captain abdicates his role, the whole crew feels it.
When fathers own their discipleship assignment, kids see a faith that's lived, not just taught. They watch Dad wrestle with Scripture, confess when he messes up, and lead with humility. That's the kind of intentional parenting that sticks.
If you're looking for practical tools to help dads step into this role, GROWTH – A Family Discipleship Curriculum is an incredible resource designed specifically for families who want to disciple together.
Spiritual Covering vs. Spiritual Style: The Lion in the Room
Here's a concept that might shift how you see the father's role: spiritual covering versus spiritual style.
Spiritual covering is Dad's non-negotiable responsibility. It's the protection, the authority, the watchfulness over his family's spiritual health. Picture a lion guarding his pride. He's vigilant. He's fierce when threats approach. He doesn't just react to danger, he anticipates it, patrols the perimeter, and ensures his family is safe.
That's the father's role in godly parenting. He's the spiritual covering, the lion at the gate.
Spiritual style, on the other hand, is how that covering gets expressed. Some dads are quiet and contemplative. Others are loud and enthusiastic. Some lead with teaching, others with storytelling or prayer. The style will vary based on personality, but the covering? That's universal.
Moms, here's where this matters for you: When we confuse spiritual style with spiritual covering, we can accidentally "edge out" Dad because he doesn't do it the way we would. He doesn't use the same Bible study format. He doesn't pray the way you do. His approach feels… different.
But different doesn't mean wrong.
When we make space for Dad's unique spiritual style, even if it looks nothing like ours, we give our kids something irreplaceable: a father who leads with confidence, knowing his contribution matters.
How Moms Can Step Back Without Stepping Down
If you're a mom reading this, you might be thinking, "Okay, but if I don't do it, it won't get done."
I hear you. And I'm not asking you to stop caring about your children's faith. But I am inviting you to consider this: Are you leading because Dad won't, or because you haven't given him room to?
Here are some practical Christian parenting tips to help you step back without stepping down:
1. Invite, Don't Dictate
Instead of assigning Dad a spiritual task, invite him into the conversation. Try: "Hey, I'd love for you to lead our family devotion this week. What do you think?" Let him choose the format. Let him mess up. Let him learn.
2. Celebrate His Wins (Even the Small Ones)
Did Dad pray with the kids before bed? Celebrate it. Did he answer a spiritual question at breakfast? Affirm him. Positive reinforcement builds confidence, and confidence builds consistency.
3. Stop Being the Middleman
When your child asks a spiritual question, resist the urge to answer immediately. Instead, say, "That's a great question for Dad. Let's ask him together." This positions Dad as the go-to spiritual leader.
4. Give Him Resources, Not Assignments
Don't hand Dad a to-do list. Instead, leave a book on the counter (like I CAN PRAY – A Scripture Prayer Book for Children, Teens and Families) or mention a family discipleship idea casually. Let him pick it up in his own time.
5. Pray for Him: and With Him
Use 365 Days of Praying the Scriptures for Your Children to pray specifically for your husband's leadership. Ask God to give him confidence, clarity, and courage to step into his role.
The goal isn't to make Dad do it your way. The goal is to make space for him to do it his way.
From Performance to Partnership: A Better Way Forward
One of the biggest traps in Christian parenting is the performance mindset. We think we have to get everything right, have all the answers, and never mess up in front of our kids.
But family discipleship isn't a performance. It's a partnership: with your spouse, with your kids, and ultimately, with God.
Here's what partnership looks like:
- Dads lead, but they don't lead alone. Mom's voice, wisdom, and spiritual gifts are still essential. You're a team.
- Parents teach, but they also learn. When Dad admits he doesn't know something, it models humility. When Mom asks for forgiveness, it models grace.
- The goal isn't perfection: it's progress. Your kids don't need flawless parents. They need authentic ones.
If you're a dad reading this and feeling overwhelmed, start small. Lead one devotion this week. Pray with your kids before bed tonight. Ask them one spiritual question at dinner. You don't have to become a theologian overnight. You just have to show up.
And if you're looking for a tool to help your kids engage with faith practically, check out Being a Missionary at School: it's a great way to help your kids live out their faith in everyday settings.
Practical Action Steps for This Week
Ready to start shifting the dynamic in your home? Here's your game plan:
For Dads:
- Lead one spiritual conversation this week (at dinner, bedtime, or in the car).
- Ask your kids: "What's one thing you want to know about God?"
- Pray with your wife about your role as the spiritual leader of your home.
For Moms:
- Identify one area where you can step back and let Dad lead.
- Affirm your husband's spiritual leadership this week: out loud, in front of the kids.
- Pray for wisdom to partner with him, not compete with him.
For Both:
- Schedule a 20-minute conversation about family discipleship. What's working? What's not? How can you support each other better?
For more family discipleship resources and inspiration, visit Intentional Godly Parenting and explore Oluwapelumi Boluwaji's full collection of books on Amazon.
A Prayer for Parents
Father, thank You for the gift of family. Help us to lead our children with humility, wisdom, and grace. Give dads the courage to step into their role as spiritual leaders. Give moms the patience to step back and trust. Remind us that we're not perfect: but we're partnered with a perfect God. May our homes reflect Your love, Your truth, and Your presence. In Jesus' name, Amen.
SEO-Friendly Title Options:
- The Chief Storyteller: Redefining the Father's Role in Family Discipleship
- Why Dads Are the Lions of Christian Parenting (And How Moms Can Help Them Lead)