Introduction
As Christian parents, we want our kids to know and experience a real relationship with God. It’s one of the greatest gifts we can offer—something that can guide them through the highs and lows of life. But sometimes, without realizing it, we may send mixed signals that make faith seem optional or secondary.
Kids are observant. They notice our priorities, our habits, and how we approach our faith. If we don’t treat our faith as a core part of daily life, they may pick up the message that God isn’t all that important. Here are 10 common ways Christian parents might unintentionally make God seem optional—and how we can shift our approach to help our kids understand that faith is central and meaningful.
1. Inconsistent Church Attendance
When we only go to church on holidays or when it’s convenient, our kids might see church as a “sometimes” thing, not a key part of their lives. Showing up to worship regularly—whether or not it’s always easy—can make a big difference. It reinforces that worship and fellowship are essential, something we make room for, even when life gets busy.
2. Putting Secular Activities First
When sports practices, social events, exam preparation or other activities always come before church or family devotionals, our kids pick up on those priorities. If we’re not careful, they can end up seeing God as second place. Setting aside regular time for family prayer, Bible reading, and church attendance helps communicate that connecting with God matters, in fact more than those other things—even when it’s tough to fit in.
3. Keeping Faith-Based Conversations Out of the Home
It’s easy to fall into the habit of only discussing faith at church. But when we’re intentional about bringing God into everyday conversations—whether it’s gratitude for our blessings, faith as a source of strength, or discussing real-life situations through a Christian lens—faith becomes more tangible and relevant to them.
4. Not Living by Example
Our actions speak louder than our words. If our kids see us talking about faith but not actually living it, they’ll pick up on that. When we practice what we preach, they learn that faith is a genuine part of who we are. It’s more than just words; it’s how we live.
5. Letting Kids “Opt-Out” of Faith Activities
Out of respect for their independence, we might be tempted to let our kids skip church or family prayer time. However, if we treat these practices as optional, they’ll likely do the same. Balancing structure with the freedom to ask questions lets kids know that faith is important, not just an optional family tradition.
6. Framing Faith as a Set of Rules
If we’re not careful, faith can come across as just a list of do’s and don’ts. Rules are part of life, but if they’re the only focus, our kids might lose sight of the bigger picture. Teaching them that faith is rooted in love, purpose, and joy—more than just what they “should” or “shouldn’t” do—helps them understand that faith is about relationship and purpose, not just restriction.
7. Avoiding Tough Questions or Doubts
Many parents avoid difficult questions about faith, perhaps out of fear or discomfort. However, being open to children’s doubts or tough questions helps them see that faith is strong enough to handle exploration. Inviting questions helps kids realize that faith is thoughtful, meaningful, and can answer real-life complexities.
8. Keeping our Faith Strictly Private
Some of us feel that our faith is a personal matter. But if our kids never see us share or discuss our beliefs, they might think it’s something that doesn’t belong in family life. When we let faith shine openly, showing them that it’s something to talk about and celebrate together, they see that it’s not just personal, it’s foundational to who we are as a family.
9. Not Showing Faith in Action
Faith comes alive when it’s put into action. Involving our kids in acts of service—like volunteering, helping others, or supporting our community—shows them that faith isn’t just a set of beliefs but something that calls us to make a difference. They see firsthand that faith isn’t just talk; it’s about living out love, compassion, and purpose.
10. Focusing on Faith as Family Tradition Instead of Personal Connection
While family traditions are valuable, if faith is only presented as a family habit, it might not feel personal to them. When we help our kids see that faith is something they can experience personally—a relationship they can develop on their own—it becomes real and relevant to them. It’s more than a tradition; it’s an invitation to something deeper.
Conclusion
As intentional godly parents, we must help our kids see that their faith is a meaningful, foundational part of life. If they only see faith presented as optional or secondary, they’re likely to treat it that way as they grow older. Kids who walk away from faith often do so because they were never shown its importance in a way that connected with them—it was something their family did but not something they felt was essential to life. When we weave God into the everyday moments, we’re not just teaching them about faith; we’re showing them that it’s a living, active source of strength, comfort, and purpose. It’s not about making them follow a path—it’s about showing them that God is there, waiting for them to walk it. By making faith a central, vital part of our lives, we give them something real to hold onto, something they can return to, no matter where life takes them. May God help us.
Note: This blog post title was inspired by a conversation I had with a beloved brother in Christ, some days ago.